I went to bed last night thinking of a multitude of things and playing out scenes in my head. I do that a lot...roll out a whole theatre well rehearse play of a show spectacle. I dramatise it..some times i roll in a bit of old Shakespearean English to complete. I am much of a escaptionist, I hate confrontations unless they are in my head. So anyway, back to my thought. Its been almost one whole year no sex and my loins are really starting to burn a hole in my lacy pants ( i have a thing for nice underwear, buy a matching set every month, sometimes two or three). Ooh as i was saying, my loins need putting out and i can't just jump any hapless man like a hyena on heat, i might injure him or myself for that matter. Need to do something about it because its affecting my work. Yesterday while in a meeting with some colleagues about the risk assessment of some project of some sort, i really wasn't listening, went only because i was volunteered in my absence and there was a free cake trolley. While unashamedly stuffing my face with cream cakes i kept staring at all the men's crotches..bad form i know but no bulges in sight...conculsion..all the men in the risk assessment team have small willies..oh well, at least they get paid very well, i mean, imagine you being in possession of a tiny ornament called penis and you have no money to add insult to injury.
After work i went to the cinema on my own...the ticket girl..with lots of zits on her forehead kept giving me "i pity you smile" all through out. I decided to freak her out by staring at her without blinking, she soon dropped that stupid smile and wouldn't even look at me as i collected my tickets..i purposely let my hand go over hers for dramatic effect..she flinched. I did my joker laugh in my head and went to watch my movie.
Got home and watched gossip girl..god i hate myself for even typing this, i know..i watch that mind draining show..its like admitting to fancying Ozzy Osbourne but they wear such pretty dresses and i am a girl after all, we have been known to sell our bodies and souls for shoes and handbags. Lucifer doesn't even have to use sex to get us...a nice pair of patent killer jimmy shoes and Gucci hand bag..the bigger the better gets us in that train down town to the nice warmth of the underworld.
I got into bed naked under my sheet...not by choice, had no clean nightwear. Insomnia set in and i decided to call my brother in the states knowing fully well he was asleep. He picked up the phone and grunted at me to stop calling him at 3am in the morning. I told him i was pregnant and didn't know who the father was. I am not, i just wanted to wake him up. He went quiet for a few seconds and said "you're so fucked, mum will incinerate your ass"!! With him woken up, we spoke for 20 minutes about his girlfriend..the one he wants to get rid of but is too skurred!! coward. Actually i shouldn't be too hard on him..she is VERY scary, i met her last Christmas and she has this permanent eerie smile constantly..even when we watched gone with the wind...everyone cries after gone with the wind. Anyway his bed..so there he must sleep.
My brother stipulated...yep, that's the word he used..little shyte! He stipulated that i must get a man this year, as if they sell them on strings at reduced prices in sainsbury's. I told him to get off my case, he insisted..his word again...he can be a cock too, anyways he says i must address the issue or i will end up alone a spinster with my cats. I don't have cats, although i am thinking of getting one...i told him before i get a boyfriend i must get laid first, then i will be ready
He told me to get off his phone...i did but not before i told him that his girlfriend had emailed me wedding gown pictures!!! hahahahah.
So back to my initial midnight thoughts...what i was thinking of was how much i would love to have been cuddled right there and then. I fell asleep and woke up dreaming of being chased by cats the size of ponies. Go figure.