Today i got the train to work with a very positive message ringing in my ear. I had just read a book about female empowerment and how to generally be a better homo sapien. All the ladies in the book are as hot as hot cakes and are earning loads of money and men are just falling at their feet..according to the book, one must exuberate a positive image, look sizzling hot, talk clearly and in a lady like manner..no raising voice at bus driver because the oyster card is broken and he's blaming you. The book is very good...i learnt a few things. I decided to give it a try. Perhaps this is why I am single…I concluded…where was this book all my life? It even had prayer pages…bonus points. So off i went this morning as bright as zillion carat diamond ring with my positive vibes. I smiled so widely at the bus driver he looked freaked out.
Even the sardine style tube ride didn’t damper my mood. I entered the tube...it was so packed i could hear 2 heart beats..one mine of course and the other belonged to a rather sweet looking Chinese woman, who for some reason was clutching her bag as if she will go into flight mode as soon as the tube doors opened. Anyway, i was in the middle of practicing my positive vibes when i felt a hand on my ass...at first i thought, girl stop imagining things. Then the hand cupped a cheek...i moved my hand to touch the hand assaulting me and held a wrist. Then i turned around. He tried to pull away, but ooh no...he started this shit and so he will finish it...i turn around and face him. His wrist between my fingers and me just an eyelash away from him.
Me: Having a good time?
Him: Am sorry. Its really tight in here, didn't mean it
Me: Oh really. It must be a medical condition then
Me: you cupped my ass..was that a mistake?
Him: *very quiet*
By now everyone in the carriageway is looking at us. The chinese woman has managed to move all the way down to the middle of the tube. How? ,i don't know. The chinese are a very talented race, i will leave it at that. My positive glow is visibly dimming now, am not happy. Smoke is coming from my ears…I am even scaring myself. I back off.
The tube doors open, he gets off, i get off and we both move towards the exit. As i walk on, really pissed ,someone grabs my arm. Its him.
Me: What do you want?
Him: Am really sorry,
Me: You’re a pervert
Him: Am sorry, it really was a mistake, i didn't do it on purpose
Me: I swear if you say that again i will bury my heels in your chest.…*i regret saying this immediately, this is breaking the being a lady rule*
Him: *Steps back*
Him: Sorry again miss but am not a pervert...carriage was just tight and i touched you accidentally
He looks so remorseful i feel like a complete bitch.
Me: Ok...no worries
Me: sorry about the high heel in the chest comment
Him: Its ok, actually very funny *he's smiling*
Him: Bye then, have a good day, *smiling really widely now*
Me: Bye *feel like Cruela the witch*
With that he walks off
I ended up feeling really bad about the whole thing... i mean maybe he didn't mean it..still trying to figure out how his fists wrappped around my ass. Told my male friend "J" about it and he almost spat his coffee out at me...he thinks its hilarious. He says perhaps the "incident" was a mistake. I don't know how?...he cupped my bum cheek..how does someone accidentally cups another persons bum cheek by mistake? I mean stroke yes..maybe even an accidental slap...but a whole fistfull cupping.? If i went up to him and pulled his testicles and declared "mistake" who will believe me?
Oh well..that’s what happens when you walk around in london surrounded by positive vibes. Tomorrow morning i am back to my miserable old commuter mode with ipod in tow.