Monday, 26 January 2009

No two mondays are ever the same

Today i got the train to work with a very positive message ringing in my ear. I had just read a book about female empowerment and how to generally be a better homo sapien. All the ladies in the book are as hot as hot cakes and are earning loads of money and men are just falling at their feet..according to the book, one must exuberate a positive image, look sizzling hot, talk clearly and in a lady like manner..no raising voice at bus driver because the oyster card is broken and he's blaming you. The book is very good...i learnt a few things. I decided to give it a try. Perhaps this is why I am single…I concluded…where was this book all my life? It even had prayer pages…bonus points. So off i went this morning as bright as zillion carat diamond ring with my positive vibes. I smiled so widely at the bus driver he looked freaked out.

Even the sardine style tube ride didn’t damper my mood. I entered the tube...it was so packed i could hear 2 heart beats..one mine of course and the other belonged to a rather sweet looking Chinese woman, who for some reason was clutching her bag as if she will go into flight mode as soon as the tube doors opened. Anyway, i was in the middle of practicing my positive vibes when i felt a hand on my ass...at first i thought, girl stop imagining things. Then the hand cupped a cheek...i moved my hand to touch the hand assaulting me and held a wrist. Then i turned around. He tried to pull away, but ooh no...he started this shit and so he will finish it...i turn around and face him. His wrist between my fingers and me just an eyelash away from him.

Me: Having a good time?
Him: Am sorry. Its really tight in here, didn't mean it
Me: Oh really. It must be a medical condition then
Him:what..what…*stammering*
Me: you cupped my ass..was that a mistake?
Him: *very quiet*

By now everyone in the carriageway is looking at us. The chinese woman has managed to move all the way down to the middle of the tube. How? ,i don't know. The chinese are a very talented race, i will leave it at that. My positive glow is visibly dimming now, am not happy. Smoke is coming from my ears…I am even scaring myself. I back off.

The tube doors open, he gets off, i get off and we both move towards the exit. As i walk on, really pissed ,someone grabs my arm. Its him.

Me: What do you want?
Him: Am really sorry,
Me: You’re a pervert
Him: Am sorry, it really was a mistake, i didn't do it on purpose
Me: I swear if you say that again i will bury my heels in your chest.…*i regret saying this immediately, this is breaking the being a lady rule*
Him: *Steps back*
Him: Sorry again miss but am not a pervert...carriage was just tight and i touched you accidentally

He looks so remorseful i feel like a complete bitch.

Me: Ok...no worries
Him: ok..
Me: sorry about the high heel in the chest comment
Him: Its ok, actually very funny *he's smiling*
Him: Bye then, have a good day, *smiling really widely now*
Me: Bye *feel like Cruela the witch*

With that he walks off

I ended up feeling really bad about the whole thing... i mean maybe he didn't mean it..still trying to figure out how his fists wrappped around my ass. Told my male friend "J" about it and he almost spat his coffee out at me...he thinks its hilarious. He says perhaps the "incident" was a mistake. I don't know how?...he cupped my bum cheek..how does someone accidentally cups another persons bum cheek by mistake? I mean stroke yes..maybe even an accidental slap...but a whole fistfull cupping.? If i went up to him and pulled his testicles and declared "mistake" who will believe me?

Oh well..that’s what happens when you walk around in london surrounded by positive vibes. Tomorrow morning i am back to my miserable old commuter mode with ipod in tow.

22 comments:

  1. buahahahahaha! That was impossibly FUNNY. Geez men. I am still laughing. WOW. my take - he probably did it on purpose. No one cups accidentally.

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  3. awww..sorry!

    i hate the rush hour in the mornings. I can't stand people brushing on my skin..not to talk of touching my bum! no way...lol

    thank God i drive to work now..no contact watsoever!

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  4. Lol...you cracked me up! smoke out of your ears? yeah right!

    I wouldn't think it was a mistake, he just felt guilty cos he was nabbed. Think i might have done the same!

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  5. lol....... mistake???? i doubt it...he was caught red handed... lol @ ur heels in his chest.... one of the reasons y i dont miss the tube......

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  6. LMAO!!!!!!!
    you should have punched him in his balls
    lol
    serves you right for looking sexy
    but on a serious note
    he is a perv

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  7. lmao! of course it was deliberate!!! i like the way you handled it. maybe positive vibes are not the best on crowded trains, lol!

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  8. lol, thanks, my laugh of the night sweetness

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  9. haaahaaahaaaahaaa! it was a mistake my ass! i cant believe u actually apologized too lol..u shud throw away that book!

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  10. ROTFLMAO!!!!!! OMG! u should have punched him in the balls by mistake and declared a medical condition... LMAO! adding u to my blog roll...lol


    Can u tell I can't stop laffing?

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  11. Oh thanks for stopping by my spot!

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  12. temite: i think he did do it for his own lil pleasure and he wasn't even afraid to fight his corner. Men!!

    aloted: the rush hour sucks!! i hate it so much...and on top of that i got groped..ewww

    writefreak: i doubt he was guilty...we was smiling when he walked off...i should have pepper sprayed him.


    funms:that man is a shameless perv..am sure he does this on the regular...silly me for not knocking him on the head when i had the chance

    MDM: i wanted to kick him in the balls!! wished i did...its that tight pencil skirt...always brings my booty out, only wearing it when i need to sugar coat the boss to leave work early from now on.

    bumight: No more positive vibes on any public transport system ever...all these weirdos hanging about. Thanks for stopping by xx

    saved girl: glad i made u smile, thanks for stopping by xx

    buttercup: i can't believed he suckered me into thinking i was the psyco!!! i hope karma bites his member :)

    nefertiti: The one day i go out all positive and hot if i may add!! i get assaulted. I have my pepper spray and heels in hand...next time he'll be walking away with no balls...will confescate both of them. Thanks for stopping by too xx

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  13. i think he sincerely didnt mean to cup ur bum, but i guess it felt good

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  14. Nice blog post by the way loving it..

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  15. What!!!!!!
    How embarrassing!....My goodness can't imagine how you felt.
    And "J"is just a case.....

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  16. Lol! Well if his palm just happened to be open and right behind your goods, then its technically possible that it was an accident. The question really is did he GRAB? If he did, it was no mistake. And that also applies to you pulling at his testicles. Touching can be accidental...GRABBING (which would be required to tug at a persons testicles) must be deliberate. So what was it? LOL

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  17. jayjazzy: He cupped it a bit too firmly for it to be a mistake..now when i think about it am like...damn, i should have sucker puched him :) Thanks for stopping by xx

    Sirius: I was so furious...wanted to bite him!! heheheh...ok that would have just scared even me. Thanks for stopping by xx

    doug: He cupped my cheeks very firmly, he did this using his offending hand precisely on my ass, i agree, it was no mistake....i swear i have never felt such shock from the hands of a total stranger.....next man that dares does this to me will have their testicles pulled!!!

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  18. hahahahahaha! my sista, thank you for telling him you would stab him in the chest with your heels, because I know you know in your heart that guy did not cup your backside by mistake, shebi?

    He will think twice before doing that again. lol!

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  19. "...pulled his testicles and declared "mistake" who will believe me?" of course i will not believe you. But, se you know 'it' might actually have been a mistake. Afterall, you might have been right, maybe he has "...a medical condition..." whereby he doesn't feel emotions in that hand.

    Wow!!!

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  20. solomonsydelle: that man is a pervert!!! lol, i will be ready for him next time with hot pepper spray.

    rethots: hahaha!! ur funny. He really had a nice groping session, i hope his hand swells up. Thanks for stopping by xx

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  21. Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...hahahhahah how did I miss this post...OMG that is so hilarious, I almost spat out my tea as well..he def meant to cup it...just felt bad cos he got caught...

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  22. LMBO!!! Yeah right it was a mistake! That dude had a fun time groping you and then tried to make you feel bad; the nerve....Thanks for totally making my day with this post, it's kept me laughing really hard.

    Thanks for stopping by my humble blog. You have an AWESOME blog!

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